3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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