im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
