1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
