Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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