Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
