I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
