I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
