I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
