I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
