I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
