I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
