tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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