So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
