My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my phone needs a breathalizer
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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