you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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