the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
