He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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