he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
