I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
