so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
