The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
