me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
