Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
