shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
