Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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