I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
