last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
