I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
