You're completely useless in the revolution.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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