He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
