Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
