I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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