i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
