mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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