garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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