He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
