Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
