Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
