the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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