I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
