Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
