idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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