I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish I only lived at night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
