i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
