I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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