i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
