we have pet lesbian snakes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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