So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
