what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
