I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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