Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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