I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
